Saturday, March 7, 2009

Lotsa Cops & Redneck Dawgs

There is a nature preserve behind our property. It's a jungle, thick with palmettos, vines, sticker bushes, twisted live oaks, & loaded with wildlife - deer, wild pigs (with sharp tusks), armadillos, gators, & snakes. Lots of snakes. Lots of poisonous snakes. I've never made an attempt to walk through it. Maybe Bear Gryls would give it a shot for his Man vs Wild show.


Some moron, trying to escape the county Sherriff, plunged into that snake infested mess in the middle of the night. We had a Police chopper sweeping across the tree tops with a huge spot light beaming down. This went on for about an hour when I decided to check things out. I flipped on all of the outside lights - enough to blind fans at Yankee Stadium & started walking around the house. Then I heard the footsteps through the heavy brush - heading my way. 15 to 20 feet behind the hedgerow. I told Deb she should call the County Sherriff cuz the guy they were tracking had almost reached our back yard.

A couple of minutes passed & Deb returned to the back door to announce that police were on the way & the guy at the desk said I should get in the house & put my weapon away. Bummer. I had the old adrenalin rush goin'. I felt like ... like ..... Rambo!



But I probably looked more like this guy.



Deb got into the action - Ran out to the garage & grabbed her customized AK 47.



Our flanks were unprotected so we stationed Nubber (our cat) at a window on the north side. He didn't see much action, but he was ready. He made me proud.



The chopper hovered over the back yard. Real low. Real loud. Sherriff's Deputies arrived. 15 or 20 of 'em. They swarmed all over the place. They looked inside & under the boat & my truck, all around the property & into the edge of the woods. Then.... they set the redneck hounds loose. I'm making an assumption that they were rednecks based on appearance - which I know is very unfair. Couldn't help it.




After an intense search and some serious lawn trampling & boat climbin' by the deppittees .... the dogs & the cops...... lost the bad guy! Maybe snakes or gators got 'im. Maybe a wild pig! An armadillo with an attitude? Dunno. All I know is... bein' Rambo wasn't so much fun after all. It's not easy for a guy my age to puff out his chest & suck in his gut for that long.

8 comments:

ReNu said...

Hahahaha what an adventure! Wonder what happened to the guy. I've never seen an armadillo (except on tv) and you're lucky to live there.

Your earlier comment didn't show up anywhere. No, I'm not mad, and I would have loved to read the funny/genius comment.

Mark LaFlamme said...

Damn, dude. That whole scene should be alarming, but when you post photos like that, it's just hilarious. Bet those creepy guards got the dude. That's what happens when you go poking around the Florida puckerbrush.

writerjenn said...

That is one tough kitten. My cat cornered a mouse yesterday, but heck, the mouse wasn't even armed!

Careann said...

How can something threatening sound so funny? If this actually happened then it has the makings of your own 'true account' adventure story. Or maybe fictionalize it into another novel. I love the kitten. :)

JaxPop said...

ReNu - Don't know what happened to him. The deppittees said he drove down railroad tracks to get away. In a few years he'll probably be a Senator or Congressman. Armadillos are stupid creatures - slightly brighter than Senators & Congressmen. They come out at night. Shine a light in their faces & they stop - somehow thinking that if they stop - they can't be seen.

Mark - You're right - Coulda been the creepy guards that got 'im. Rattlesnake Island is only 2 miles away. Deb was relaying, through the cop on the phone, directions for the chopper while I was playing redneck stalker. Heck, I even loaded up with a wad of Red Man & let tobacco juice drip down my chin onto my sleeveless plaid shirt. Wanted to be authentic.

Hey Jenn - I haven't seen a mouse since I moved here, probably 'cause of the snake population. Last year we had a 6' racer snake that liked to sun himself on our front porch in the afternoons. Nubber misses his meeces. They would sneak into the basement in the late fall at our house in Downingtown. He would "hunt" at night - & leave us "presents" at the top of the stairs - gross.

Careann - It's mostly true, except for Nubber at the window. He won't leave his chair on the back porch, unless we have a thunder storm. Then he jumps at the door knob wailing to get in. Big lazy sissy. I like to write fiction - but I do include lots of stuff that has really happened in my crazy, funny life. My kids recognized a lot of that when they read BL - so that was fun.

Ronnie said...

What a hoot! You lifted my day considerably!
I wanted so bad to see those red neck dogs up close! Did they have buck teeth!?
Can't wait to read more tales like this in your next book.

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

I love the cat with the semi-automatic. Well, you know how I feel about cats! You go, pussycat!

This was wonderful. Thanks for the chuckle. Reminds me my crazy relatives. They're country-folk...

JaxPop said...

Ronnie - Yeah. They have buck teeth. Glad the post lifted your day. Your art work blows my stuff outta the water.

Joylene - Nubber is back to doing what he does best - sleepin'. There's a gas station nearby that I swear is right off of that show HeeHaw.