Saturday, July 25, 2009

Redneck Kangaroo

There's a gas station / convenience store down the road that I call the Redneck Kangaroo. (Kangaroo being the local version of Quik Marts, 7-11, or in my old hometown area - WAWA. WAWA has great coffee BTW.) So I run in there this afternoon to get a bag of ice for the cooler & end up 3rd in line, watchin' this big-bellied, shirtless, barefoot REDNECK, decked out in cut-off denim bib overalls, buying Skoal & Cigs - 'bout $9 worth - using all pennies. He kept losin' count while I dripped ten pounds of ice all over the tile floor. I don't wanna sound like I'm judgin' anyone - but dude, next time, roll the pennies first! (Wearin' a shirt would be a plus).

Now y'all got ta preeshiate Reneck inginnewitty ...

They's all loyal fans of Dale Jr...... (he's won maybe one race in the last 4 years)

... but they was all fans of his daddy - good ole number 3.... may he RIP.

They look after their youngins, even when they hafta run out for beer ....

..... so's they can git beeg 'nuff ta git some schoolin'....

The nice ones always fire a warnin' shot...

Some of 'em are finally enjoyin' the luxuries we take for hot tubs.

Computers?? Well, that's still a lil' problem, but Bill Gates is workin' on that...

Ah, now I ain't complainin' none - Rednecks is good folks n' iff'n ya jus' nod n' say 'Go Gators' to one of 'em, heck, you've gone n' done made yahself a friend for lahffe....

Okay - Had to add the following in the Jeff Foxworthy tradition

'You Might Be A Redneck IF'

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.