Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Little Sunburn Would Be Nice About Now

Here in my temporary Chicago "home" temps are in the 20s. Snow is on the ground (capping lots of ice - you always have to have freezing rain first). 30 mph winds & gray skies (always gray skies - it's been sunny maybe twice). This is not my idea of a good time. Yesterday I spent 45 minutes chipping away at the windshield etc before taking off on a 2 hour drive to the job - normally 1/2 an hour in decent conditions. I had to eliminate the weather update thing on my homepage - too depressing to see what the temps are back home in St Augustine. Why would anyone want to live up here? Hey Oprah - You have enough $$$ to live where it's warm! Are you nuts? Buy Hawaii!! So I'm grumpy. Sue me.

So a few days ago Deb went to Macy's to buy boots - Think they're called UGZ or something weird. She asked my opinion - 2 bad ideas in this scenario. 1st was me going in the store to begin with & the 2nd was Deb asking for my opinion. Gave my opinion (dummy). Deb started 2nd guessing her choice as we left.

Me - "Do you want to exchange them for the others while we're still here in the parking lot?"
Deb - "Nah. These will be fine."
Me - "Uh... Just fine or do you want the other ones?"
Deb - "These are OK."

(Fine & OK are not the answers a guy wants to hear at this point.)
Interlude - We get back to the hotel & Deb tries them on again.

Deb - "I think I'm going to exchange these."
Me - "Uh... OK, whatever you wanna do."
Return to Macy's. Makes exchange.

Did I mention it's bloody cold up here?
Back to hotel.

Deb - "I'm still thinking black would have been better."
Me - "What's the difference? You're only gonna wear 'em here. When we get home they'll end up in the shoe cemetery anyway."
Deb - "Nah, I definitely want the black ones."
Me - (Sigh) "Why don't you just get the black & keep the brown & make it easier."
Deb - "Cause it's a lot of money."
Me - "We've logged enough miles changing shoes - we coulda driven home & back by now. I'm beyond money at this point."
Deb - Laughs at me (very common).
Me - "OK. Let's get this over with, but I want to wait outside."

Go back to make the exchange. They don't have the ones she wants & she returns empty-handed. (This is NOT good)

Me - "Wutzup? Where's the boot things?"
Deb - "Didn't have my size in the ones I liked."
Me - "So why not keep the ones you sorta liked?"
Deb - "Nah - I'll be fine."
(There's the "fine" word again.)
Me - "You need something warmer than what you've got."
Deb - "It'll be OK - don't worry about it.
Me - (Sigh!)

Get back to hotel. Deb discusses her dilemma with the lady at the front desk - I fall asleep in a lobby chair in front of a fireplace while this takes place. She shakes me awake. I'm disoriented.

Deb - "Theresa printed me out directions to another store that has them. If we hurry we can get there before they close."
Me - "Hurry? I'm in the middle of freakin' Siberia, you're handing me Mapquest directions (always, ahem, reliable) & you want me to hurry?"
Deb - "Yeah."
Me - (Another sigh.) Look at the directions head out the door. "I'm waiting in the car again. Maybe I'll read." (I detest shopping.)

Amazingly, I find the place in plenty of time. No wrong turns. Deb returns with a bag & a smile. (Her smile always makes it all worthwhile for me by the way.)

Me - "So you got what you wanted this time. Right?"
Deb "Not exactly, but these will be fine."
(There's that word "Fine" again.
Me - "Great." Face forward - hits the gas.

Santa - If you're out there.... I wanna go home where it's warm. My tan is fading.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Looking Ahead

Do ya ever think about your future? How is it all gonna play out? Ever set lofty goals & make careful plans? Think ya got everything mapped out in ridiculous detail? Lemme make it easier. Here's how it really goes folks.

Which begs the question - What happens if you're not much of a beer drinker? I suppose I'd better develop a taste for the stuff real soon.