Monday, November 18, 2013

Healthcare - Redneck Style

I've missed blogging so I'm dipping my toes into the water again with a post that might be helpful during these trying times - a kind of public service. Lately stories about the new healthcare laws and how insurers are scramblin' to cut - reinstate or adapt coverage have dominated the news. The problems have been particularly difficult here in some parts of the south because the medical terminology is so . . .  different. As a writer, decipherin' language is important, so with some help from the internet I'm gonna take a brief break from Pirates, GALLOWS POINT & general storytellin' to explain the lingo so y'all can cogitate on it a spell.  

Benign - What you be, after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings
Bacteria - Back door to the cafeteria
Barium - what doctors do when patients die
Cesarean section - a neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan - searching for kitty
Cauterize - made eye contact with her
Coma- a punctuation mark
D & C - Where Washington is
Dilate - to live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - quicker than someone else
Fibula - a small lie
GI series - world series of military baseball
Hangnail - what you hang your coat on
Impotent - distinguished, well-known
Labor pain - getting hurt at work
Medical staff - a doctor's cane
Morbid - a higher offer
Nitrates - cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - a person who has fainted
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test
Pelvis - second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - a letter carrier
Recovery room - place to do upholstery
Rectum - darn near killed him
Secretion - hiding something
Seizure - a Roman emperor
Tablet - a small table
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the airport
Tumor - one plus one more
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - nearby / close by

Redneck Ambulance on the way to the Clinic