Friday, September 26, 2008

Where To Retire - You Have Options!!!

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food

5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can live in New York City where...

1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is 'nature,'

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn.

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can live in Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can live in the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. 'Y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.

3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

AND You can live in Florida where...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5 Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

But you should be able to add & subtract numbers - so you can save for retirement:

Fifty Years of Teaching Math In The USA 1958 - 2008

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math These Days

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question : How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )


Heinous said...

Bwahaha...great post. I love the Granola line. I didn't get the last math question right by the way.

Kathy said...

This really is funny -- but as a true Floridian, I have to defend my state! We're not as old as we used to be, thanks to those of us who actually stayed here and raised our families here. And besides all the advantages you pointed out, we only have hurricanes! People seem to think moving to Florida means moving into the path of destruction from a hurricane. Talk about "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Read the Florida Building Codes! Since Andrew, we build 'em to last down here! Besides, you get -- oh, I don't know -- like at least FIVE days warning to get out of the way! I'll take our hurricanes against much of the nations tornadoes, earthquakes and ridiculous winter storms any day of the year! I hear people from the north talk about stuff like 15 BELOW zero! What?? That's a temperature?? Talk about a math problem -- that sounds more like the answer to one to me! The thought makes me grab my sunglasses and head to the beach to thaw out! Anyway, I've lived in Florida since I was a young child in a variety of places. I currently live about 80 miles to the north of Tampa in Citrus County. Anyone looking at Florida as a place to retire should really consider Citrus. Nestled along the Gulf of Mexico on Florida's Nature Coast, Citrus offers all the beauty of Florida without the skyscrapers and bumper-to-bumper traffic. Plus it is within an hour to an hour and a half of Mickey Mouse (Orlando), everything Tampa has to offer, and world-class medical care (Shands at the University of Florida in Gainesville.) If you want to learn more about Citrus County, see, and

JaxPop said...

Nothing to defend - most of the "older folks" that I run across are snow birds. I'm very familiar with Florida Building Codes - Glass that withstands 120mph projectiles, etc. It's a great place to live & I do like the west coast of the state as well.

Thanks for visiting