Saturday, September 20, 2008

Chubby Hubby



Last week I was pulling some weeds in one of the beds & heard myself huffin' & puffin' - I'd only been working at it for 15 minutes. I stood & muttered aloud that "I feel like I'm in the worst shape of my whole life." Later I started complaining that my shirts felt tighter. Did they shrink?

God Bless my wonderful wife - she encourages, never nags or lectures me about my health or the need to exercise more & maybe lose a few pounds. She does a great job taking care of my sorry a$$.

I've been buried for a few weeks, & we've had lots of out of town company. Hey food is a social thing right? It's a comfort thing when dealing with stress - right?

So last night I went into a full blown panic. I went out to the garage to puff a stogie & watch something on TV. (Most of my TV watching takes place in the garage while I'm smokin'.) Normally I hit the switch on the garage door opener & waltz over to my work bench, flip on the idiot box, light up & park my rear end on a bar stool for a bit & chill out. Last night it was raining pretty hard & all kinds of frogs were jumping inside - little green thumb sized buggers. Now they don't bother me, actually they're pretty cool, but they end up dying & I have to go around collecting their little cadavers. I hit the remote & shut the garage door & went back to whatever I was watching.

Ten minutes later I'd had enough & headed into the house. I'm walking behind Deb's Durango & my gut is getting stuck between the SUV & the "hurricane rated" garage door. I was freakin' out & when my escape was complete I rushed inside & declared "That's It! I'm goin on a diet & I'm gettin' in better shape. Deb was pleased & I was pissed.

A couple hours passed & I decided to finish the stogie that was waiting patiently in the workbench ashtray & walked down the hallway to the garage. I was about to hit the open button for the garage door and let every frog in St Johns County join me for a few soothing puffs when I noticed that the front bumper of the Durango was nearly 2 feet away from the storage cabinets (the ones I usually bump). No wonder I couldn't fit between the car & the door! I think Deb parked that way on purpose.

Amazingly, I feel much thinner today. Think I'll go buy some Oreos.

3 comments:

Heinous said...

Saved by a misplaced Durango. I started working out again but only because my son started playing soccer and I needed to keep up. I've kept with it though. Them wives is sure sneaky sometimes...

Diane said...

The picture of you (or anyone) stuck between the truck and the garage door made me laugh out loud... and I needed a laugh today, so thanks for that!

I'm with you on the huffin' and puffin', though. I've been huffin' and puffin' my way around the track for a few months now (I'd finally had enough of my lazy ass)... it's slow going but damn, it feels good after a while!

JaxPop said...

Thanks guys for visiting.

My favorite form of exercise is riding my mountain bike on the beach. I ride about 2 miles, while smoking a cigar, stop at the South Beach Grill, fill my water bottle with a Bloody Mary (minus the olives - they get stuck in the sucker thing), & ride back to my starting point - with a fresh cigar. THAT is exercise!!

Y'all have a great day.