"Oh By The Way"

Deb cringes anytime I start a conversation with "Oh By The Way" - Dunno why.

I have a project coming up in South Florida soon. Late this past Friday afternoon I decided to make a quick trip on Monday to check things out in person. Too many questions. Too much design guesswork & I needed answers. Unfortunately, I didn't think much about work once I left the office. Late Saturday, as my mind drifted into "idea mode", I hit Deb with "Oh By The Way", I gotta go check somethin' out. Wanna go with me on a quick road trip? C'mon let's pack a bag & get goin'." (I came up with 300 reasons why this was a totally brilliant idea. I keep a Rolodex of these things handy & Deb, after all these years, already knows I'm an impulsive, but good-natured, nutcase.)

Took about an hour to get everything ready to roll. No big deal. Really. (Hint: I don't do the packing.) I did collect the mail.

We jumped onto I-95, set the cruise control, shut off the cell phone & chatted our way south. Everything was going along swimmingly - 'til the A/C blitzed out.

Me - "Oh well, no big deal. Can't get it fixed on the weekend anyway so we'll hafta put the windows down."
Deb - "What about my hair?"
Me - "Put a hat on. I got a new Nike hat in the back seat."
Deb - "I'm not wearin' a stupid baseball hat."
Me - "Gonna be awfully hot. Already 92 degrees. Hey - is that sweat on your upper lip?" (Quickly pointed to the thingy that shows outside temp, direction & (gulp) gas mileage, while handing her the dark blue hat. The sweat comment clearly didn't have the desired effect.)
Deb - (Somewhat disgustedly) "This doesn't even match." (Duh. Pastels just ain't me.)
Me - (sigh) "Gonna be awfully hot. Up to 93 now. Still have 2 hours to go." I reach for the window button.
Deb - (Grumbling) "Okay okay, but don't put the windows down 'til I fix my hair & get this stupid hat on."
Me - "Fix your hair? Uh.... Never mind. Just tell me when. I can drip for a little while longer."

It only took 5 minutes for Deb to find the whatchamacallit for tying her hair back, fishing the "pony tail" through the hat & getting it placed just right. No big deal. Nothin' a coupla quarts of Gatorade couldn't fix, though the thought of an IV did cross my mind.

Finally, we cruised into Boca Raton to find our hotel.



We pulled into a small park along the intracoastal waterway so Deb could take some pictures. While she snapped away, I opened the hood & pretended to be looking for the A/C problem. (Like I could EVEN figure that out.) 10 minutes later, we were on the road again..... & the A/C was miraculously working.
Deb - "You fixed the air conditioning!"
Me - "Yep!"
Deb - "But how?"
Me - "Oh, I don't wanna go explainin' all that technical stuff - it's all kinda complicated. You know, all those hoses n' wires n' stuff." (I won't seem so heroic after Deb reads this, but, it was really cool being THE MAN.)

BTW - Nice back yards huh???



On the way home we cruised A1A. I blogged about A1A a few months back (go look it up!). If we stay on that road, it'll take us home, though we'd have to cross lots of bridges & causeways. The speed limits also tend to be annoying - no match for my driving style. This is Palm Beach. Big houses. Big money. Puny waves.



Wonder why they call it Palm Beach? Could it be the trees? Hope the bug guts don't show up in this picture. Tough doin' that windshield photography stuff while drivin', drinkin' Starbucks coffee, & talkin' on the phone. (Just kiddin' - Deb takes the pics for this blog.)



The highlight of our latest 'road trip' was a visit to Sebastian Inlet. The last time I visited this place I was 12 years old & I spent a whole week of my young life fishing & shrimping with my dad. That trip ranks as one of my top 10 childhood memories. [It was an emotional kind of visit - my dad passed away 6 years ago almost to the day of this trip.] But forget the nostalgic meanderings of an old guy - This place is awesome. Deb just about overloaded the memory card. Good thing she always carries more than one camera.





Now anyone that reads my stuff knows that the kids in my book(s) are surfers. Like these kids.



Ever see such a crowded beach?



Can't wait 'til my grandson Jack does this stuff. (Uh, my real-life grandson.)



He could get started now. Like this little guy. I could teach 'im in about 2 hours.



This lil' squirt went all the way out into the big surf with the older kids. Couldn't catch him riding - the light was fading.



When the scenery turned ugly - we headed for home. I don't know what these are, but they're ugly. Don't these birds make ya feel like eatin' a Vlasic Pickle?

The Georgia Drive

I spent last week in Atlanta - drove up Sunday & back Friday night. My first sign of trouble was at the rental car counter. I'd reserved a full size vehicle. They gave me a Hyundai Sonata. "Uh... where's the rest of it?" says me. "That's all we've got!" Grudgingly I drove off in the Sonata. Thirty miles later I called the rental company thinking maybe I could dump it for something better once I reached Atlanta.

Me: "I need to swap cars in Atlanta - this one's not working out for me."

Rental dude: "What's the problem?"

Me: Uh... It shimmies between 92 & 94 mph."

Rental dude: "I suggest you slow down then. Have a nice day sir." Click

Okay - So it's me n' the Hyundai. I'd manage for a week.

Crossed into Georgia via I 75 & everything changed. A whole new Interstate kind of world. The first oddity - 3 separate pick-up trucks, all towing large wagons overflowing with watermelons, broken down on the shoulder. Maybe that doesn't sound particularly odd, but these were separate breakdowns - spread a mile or two apart.

Next surprise - Georgia must have a law that no portion of the Interstate can be left without orange barrels, concrete barricades & at least one piece of rusted construction equipment (with weeds growin' through 'em!) for any stretch longer than seven miles. Naturally the speed limit drops to TURTLE RACE. State Troopers are only too happy to double the fine - 'cause it's a construction zone dontchyaknow.

Finally - THE SIGNS. Billboards every thirty yards. Like reading one of those old-time flip comics that made the characters appear to be moving. It was easy enough to read 'em all, I was in a construction zone most of the time for cryin' out loud.


I'll admit, many of the signs, were confusing & Mapquest was no help. I should have anticipated this when Mapquest kept leaving off parts of the directions with purple question marks.

Seriously - would you figure this out in your own?



How 'bout this one?



How's your confidence holdin' up with this one?



Local kids & their families must have it tough....



Here's why they hafta run....



At least they post warnings for outta towners like me....



There's no shortage of informational signs tellin' evryone about places to eat n' sleep - lots of extended stay kinda stuff....



This sign makes my top TEN!!!



Seriously - The people in Georgia couldn't have been friendlier & the Sonata only shimmied in Florida (Hah!). For my friend Ronnie in Georgia (As Larry The Cable Guy would say) RONNIE - I apologize for this post & bless them starvin' lil' fellers in New Guinea. Amen.

Redneck Kangaroo

There's a gas station / convenience store down the road that I call the Redneck Kangaroo. (Kangaroo being the local version of Quik Marts, 7-11, or in my old hometown area - WAWA. WAWA has great coffee BTW.) So I run in there this afternoon to get a bag of ice for the cooler & end up 3rd in line, watchin' this big-bellied, shirtless, barefoot REDNECK, decked out in cut-off denim bib overalls, buying Skoal & Cigs - 'bout $9 worth - using all pennies. He kept losin' count while I dripped ten pounds of ice all over the tile floor. I don't wanna sound like I'm judgin' anyone - but dude, next time, roll the pennies first! (Wearin' a shirt would be a plus).

Now y'all got ta preeshiate Reneck inginnewitty ...



They's all loyal fans of Dale Jr...... (he's won maybe one race in the last 4 years)




... but they was all fans of his daddy - good ole number 3.... may he RIP.



They look after their youngins, even when they hafta run out for beer ....



..... so's they can git beeg 'nuff ta git some schoolin'....



The nice ones always fire a warnin' shot...



Some of 'em are finally enjoyin' the luxuries we take for granted...like hot tubs.



Computers?? Well, that's still a lil' problem, but Bill Gates is workin' on that...



Ah, now I ain't complainin' none - Rednecks is good folks n' iff'n ya jus' nod n' say 'Go Gators' to one of 'em, heck, you've gone n' done made yahself a friend for lahffe....




Okay - Had to add the following in the Jeff Foxworthy tradition

'You Might Be A Redneck IF'

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

The Real Jack Rackham

Lots of writers crank out deep thoughts about inspiration on their blogs. I'll jump in with my two cents .... sort of, in a pictorial rather than highfallutin' literary kind of way. I live in a haunted seaside town in Florida. My grandson Jack has cornered the market on cool for a kid his age. His Pop (me) has a pretty wild imagination & likes storytellin'. Mix those things together & you get Jack Rackham & a bunch of crazy adventures that turn into books. Simple enough for ya?

The first thing the kid's got goin' for him is he's not afraid of the surf, or much of anything actually. He's like his Dad & Uncle Chris.



The 2nd thing - he's just freakin' cool....



The Jack in Bad Latitude is 15 years old (16 in Reckless) but in real life just turned 6 on Wednesday. We got to celebrate.



The birthday cake is decorated to look like the deck of a pirate ship. Hmmmm...



I just put these 2 pics in cuz he liked the "little lobsters" at the seafood store. He chomped them down like a real Looweezianna Rajun' Cajun.





Now I like my share of creepy stuff. I'm tryin' to train the kids early, so, naturally, we have rather odd toys around the house. That's Isabel. She's a cutie.



Reckless has a coupla chapters in the haunted Old Jail so I took Jack on a bit of a scouting mission (so he knows how to escape in Chapter 6). The best part was the thunder & lightning. All of the other "guests" hightailed it. Chickens. We were diggin' it. Created a nice atmosphere.







This is my favorite picture. (Deb's idea)

The Cane Update

This is my version of a follow-up post.

Mike & the kids flew in Friday night - I managed (just barely) to drive to the airport. No hugs or kisses from Pop 'til we made it home - I crawled to the passenger seat, & thankfully, Mike drove from the airport to the house so I could get some relief. On Saturday I was able to move, for the most part, without the cane but we stayed close to home (& close to the ice packs). Pop (that would be me) managed to sneak away to buy a new grill. The timing sounds stupid, I know, but I hate putting them together & since Mike was here.....(See I ain't that stupid after all) Oh yeah, Pop also bought Jack a bike for the beach & Isabel became the proud owner of a 3 wheeler. See, Jackman knows me too well. He brought his helmet, but not his bike. Know what I'm sayin'? THAT is pure optimism.

As evening approached Mike & Deb ran out to buy fireworks. I'm not a fan. My mother scarred me for life telling me the same story year after year about Nicky Zubco blowin' off three fingers playin' with the firecrackers. Anyway, they get back & set up these rocket-things. Me, mental images of the Zubco kid suddenly refreshed, I'm fretting about where these suckers are gonna land & will my homeowner's insurance cover acts of undeclared war on my neighbors. Zip - First one lands in the neighbor's tree (I think). So I get the bright idea that I will stand at the end of my driveway & play lookout. (We have a very long driveway.) A little history - I gave up golf because of my bad back & my inability to see where that little white ball landed after my swing. Now these rockets are goin' off & I ain't seein' nothin' - just following the sound of the thuds as they drop around me.

Today we made it to the beach - Jack & Bel rode their bikes & had a blast - so I thought I'd post a few pics.




Jack conned me outta my favorite neckware. Ahhhh - looks better on him anyway.




Isabel was practicing her letters & inventing new words.







Belly is the Dorito princess. She always tells me "Nanny says I can have a special treat."



Jack was having a bad hair day. I'd like to have bad hair day.... just one more.



I tried to fix 'im up when we got home.....



He & Nanny thought it was funny .....



I printed this picture out for Jack - Told 'im it was his cousin.....