Saturday, July 25, 2009

Redneck Kangaroo

There's a gas station / convenience store down the road that I call the Redneck Kangaroo. (Kangaroo being the local version of Quik Marts, 7-11, or in my old hometown area - WAWA. WAWA has great coffee BTW.) So I run in there this afternoon to get a bag of ice for the cooler & end up 3rd in line, watchin' this big-bellied, shirtless, barefoot REDNECK, decked out in cut-off denim bib overalls, buying Skoal & Cigs - 'bout $9 worth - using all pennies. He kept losin' count while I dripped ten pounds of ice all over the tile floor. I don't wanna sound like I'm judgin' anyone - but dude, next time, roll the pennies first! (Wearin' a shirt would be a plus).

Now y'all got ta preeshiate Reneck inginnewitty ...

They's all loyal fans of Dale Jr...... (he's won maybe one race in the last 4 years)

... but they was all fans of his daddy - good ole number 3.... may he RIP.

They look after their youngins, even when they hafta run out for beer ....

..... so's they can git beeg 'nuff ta git some schoolin'....

The nice ones always fire a warnin' shot...

Some of 'em are finally enjoyin' the luxuries we take for hot tubs.

Computers?? Well, that's still a lil' problem, but Bill Gates is workin' on that...

Ah, now I ain't complainin' none - Rednecks is good folks n' iff'n ya jus' nod n' say 'Go Gators' to one of 'em, heck, you've gone n' done made yahself a friend for lahffe....

Okay - Had to add the following in the Jeff Foxworthy tradition

'You Might Be A Redneck IF'

1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, “Hey, guys, watch this.”
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the “Star-Spangled Banner” are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
11. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.


Anonymous said...

Having just spent the better part of the past week at Vancouver Children's Hospital helping our daughter-in-law care for their little one who was airlifted there for emergency surgery, my attention was captured by your photo of the duct-taped baby. Ours has recuperated quickly and was full of mischief this morning as the family was getting ready to return home. The little one was so active we said we were going to have to duct-tape her to her highchair to keep her from splitting her incision. That brought a laugh, but nothing like the one I let out when I saw your picture. It's hysterical!

JaxPop said...

Sorry to hear about the emergency but thankful that the little one is recovering quickly & all is now Okay. Glad you were able to get a laugh outta the post. There's something to be said for timing, I suppose.

joylene said...

oooh, lovely images, Dave. I can't get the picture of his hairy back out of my head.

Careann, best wishes for your grandbaby.

kap said...

Great photos and commentary. After living the first 31 years of my life in the Texas panhandle, I can relate.

bubba Keith

Ronnie said...

Pretty close to home, DAVE! I have that sign! And DANG! Why didn't I think of that couch swing!!!
Pretty good post for a Yankee.
Maybe a good and friendly redneck in your next book, that doesn't smell and beat people up?
Later gator!
Gotta go mix me up a pot a grits!

JaxPop said...

Hey Joylene - Guess Sasquatch does exist & he digs NASCAR races. Personally, I like NASCAR, but I don't resemble the missing link fan.

Bubba Keith - I spent some time in Texas. Sometimes you can drive for hours & not see another vehicle - just tumbleweeds & dead armadillos.

Ronnie - I'm in Atlanta all week but so far, the jobsite rednecks are all from Florida. Go figure. Last night had fried green tomatoes. Now dat's some good eatin' - course I ingested 1/2 a bottle of Rolaids through the night. I like grits!!! & pulled pork & brisket & biscuits n' gravy. Nothin' like southern food. Great for middle aged arteries too! I do have a couple of new characters in Reckless. A husband & wife team (Ebb and Flo) but they're not bad guys. The bad guy in this one is Harry Wort - Pop, of course, pronounces it a bit differently. There - you've gotten a peak into the sequel.

Rebecca Ramsey said...

Hilarious. Ooh boy, I know that world!
I've got to admit it...I want a swing like that! (For the back yard, not the front. Must preserve a sense of class!)

Susan Sandmore said...

I've been trying to figure out if the "your" in "Smile if your a redneck" is misspelled on purpose, or what. Is that part of the joke? I'm just not sure. Also, how did they get their couch to float like that?

JaxPop said...

Becky - Least they weren't trying to make a porch swing, or is that 'swayng'. Your post today about barbecue was a riot.

Susan - There's ropes attached to that there sofa! I noticed the incorrect spelling - shoulda been you're - on the Redneck Smiley. I'm sure that whoever created that glittering lil' bugger thought they had it right. I have to do a post soon about roadside signs in Georgia. The people here are great, really nice n' friendly, but they can't spell to save their behinds. Even the billboards - cracks me up!!