Tuesday, December 2, 2008

A Little Sunburn Would Be Nice About Now

Here in my temporary Chicago "home" temps are in the 20s. Snow is on the ground (capping lots of ice - you always have to have freezing rain first). 30 mph winds & gray skies (always gray skies - it's been sunny maybe twice). This is not my idea of a good time. Yesterday I spent 45 minutes chipping away at the windshield etc before taking off on a 2 hour drive to the job - normally 1/2 an hour in decent conditions. I had to eliminate the weather update thing on my homepage - too depressing to see what the temps are back home in St Augustine. Why would anyone want to live up here? Hey Oprah - You have enough $$$ to live where it's warm! Are you nuts? Buy Hawaii!! So I'm grumpy. Sue me.

So a few days ago Deb went to Macy's to buy boots - Think they're called UGZ or something weird. She asked my opinion - 2 bad ideas in this scenario. 1st was me going in the store to begin with & the 2nd was Deb asking for my opinion. Gave my opinion (dummy). Deb started 2nd guessing her choice as we left.

Me - "Do you want to exchange them for the others while we're still here in the parking lot?"
Deb - "Nah. These will be fine."
Me - "Uh... Just fine or do you want the other ones?"
Deb - "These are OK."

(Fine & OK are not the answers a guy wants to hear at this point.)
Interlude - We get back to the hotel & Deb tries them on again.

Deb - "I think I'm going to exchange these."
Me - "Uh... OK, whatever you wanna do."
Return to Macy's. Makes exchange.

Did I mention it's bloody cold up here?
Back to hotel.

Deb - "I'm still thinking black would have been better."
Me - "What's the difference? You're only gonna wear 'em here. When we get home they'll end up in the shoe cemetery anyway."
Deb - "Nah, I definitely want the black ones."
Me - (Sigh) "Why don't you just get the black & keep the brown & make it easier."
Deb - "Cause it's a lot of money."
Me - "We've logged enough miles changing shoes - we coulda driven home & back by now. I'm beyond money at this point."
Deb - Laughs at me (very common).
Me - "OK. Let's get this over with, but I want to wait outside."

Go back to make the exchange. They don't have the ones she wants & she returns empty-handed. (This is NOT good)

Me - "Wutzup? Where's the boot things?"
Deb - "Didn't have my size in the ones I liked."
Me - "So why not keep the ones you sorta liked?"
Deb - "Nah - I'll be fine."
(There's the "fine" word again.)
Me - "You need something warmer than what you've got."
Deb - "It'll be OK - don't worry about it.
Me - (Sigh!)

Get back to hotel. Deb discusses her dilemma with the lady at the front desk - I fall asleep in a lobby chair in front of a fireplace while this takes place. She shakes me awake. I'm disoriented.

Deb - "Theresa printed me out directions to another store that has them. If we hurry we can get there before they close."
Me - "Hurry? I'm in the middle of freakin' Siberia, you're handing me Mapquest directions (always, ahem, reliable) & you want me to hurry?"
Deb - "Yeah."
Me - (Another sigh.) Look at the directions head out the door. "I'm waiting in the car again. Maybe I'll read." (I detest shopping.)

Amazingly, I find the place in plenty of time. No wrong turns. Deb returns with a bag & a smile. (Her smile always makes it all worthwhile for me by the way.)

Me - "So you got what you wanted this time. Right?"
Deb "Not exactly, but these will be fine."
(There's that word "Fine" again.
Me - "Great." Face forward - hits the gas.

Santa - If you're out there.... I wanna go home where it's warm. My tan is fading.


Mark LaFlamme said...

Classic. When she asked for your opinion, you should have faked a seizure. Boot shopping in Chicago in December. Man, who did you piss off?
Could be worse, though. You could be in Maine. Same weather minus the nightlife.

JaxPop said...

Nightlife my butt. I'm outside most of the day pushing 100+ guys to get this job done by next week so I can get home. I'm worn out by the time I get to the hotel.

liquidambar said...

I just had to comment on the phrase "shoe cemetery," which I love.


JaxPop said...

Hey Jen - Thanks for stopping by my 'lotsa hits - few comments blog'. You won't pick up any writing tips or see fantastic examples of perfect prose here. I can recommend a great site for that.

Ronnie said...

Hey Jax,
Discovered you over at writer, Rebecca Ramsey's blog.
My husband and I live in St Marys, GA every chance we get, across the river from FL.
The response you made...a lot of hits, but not many comments? My guess is you leave 'em speechless or you said it all. I will definitely be back. You crack me up and you're damn smart.
Ronnie - in a small town in GA

JaxPop said...

Ronnie - Thanks for commenting & for the compliments. Hopefully I'll be able to blog more regularly in the future. There's a lot goin' on between now & 2009, including the launch of my new book. If you haven't already - you should really read Becky Ramsey's book 'French By Heart' - it's exceptional, just like her blog. Thanks again. Dave (aka JaxPop)

Ronnie said...

Will do JP. Reading will commence after Christmas. We are a retired Coast Guard family. We're into the magic of lighthouses too.

Angela said...

LOL. I will admit that we women can be entertaining at times...

DLKeur said...

Laughed myself silly on this one. I detest shopping, too! Great story. You ought to right a creative NF book about your life and times. You got the knack!